The 8th grade boy profiled above--we'll call him Andre--was the last to find his seat in Molly Stone's Ethics class this morning. He sat sideways, with his back turned to most of the circle. When the Do Now arrived in front of him, he scribbled something quickly and then put his head down on the table.
There was a brief discussion of the Do Now, and then a reading about a school bus driver who was able to help a troubled student come out of her shell during bus rides to and from school. The bus driver exemplified the 8th grade maxim for compassion: walk a mile in someone else's shoes. The discussion that followed began with an analysis of the bus driver walking a mile in the troubled girl's shoes. The conversation got more interesting--as it usually does--when the students brought it home to their experiences with others who, like the girl in the reading, struggle to connect socially.
Michael offered an anecdote about a boy on his bus with bad oral hygiene. Michael's intentions seemed much more comedic than ethical, and his audience was right there on board with him. Bad breath is funny when it happens to other people. But the source of the humor was not really the boy's bad breath. The boy was socially isolated. Nobody would talk to him. Everybody laughed at him. It was the boy's painful humiliation that Ms. Stone's advisory found so funny. Andre was laughing loudest.
Ms. Stone wasn't laughing. But she did not berate her students for laughing (as I was tempted to do). She did not express any disappointment at their reaction. She let them laugh. And then dug deeper.
"Okay, on the surface it's a funny story. But, can anyone walk a mile in this boy's shoes?"
"I'd probably just give him a mint." With that Andre inspired another round of laughter. All eyes eventually turned to Ms. Stone, who was waiting patiently to continue the discussion.
"But can you put yourself in his situation? What do you think it would be like?"
"No, I can't put myself in his situation." His tone was more serious now. He wanted Ms. Stone to back off.
"Let's take a different example, then." She returned to the girl in today's reading. "The girl with 'behavior problems' turned out to be quite happy on the bus mostly because of the way the bus driver and the other kids treated her. Do you notice that this happens in school? Do students who seem to have 'behavior problems' in some contexts behave well in other contexts? Does it have anything to do with the way others see them or treat them?"
Andre straightened up in his seat. He raised his hand. He wanted back in.
"Sometimes when a teacher gives me lots of demerits or sends me out--especially a new teacher--I think about how hard that must be to teach all of us. I mean, how hard it must be to be a new teacher at this school."
And as Andre went so went the rest of the boys in the group. They shared earnest stories of stepping into the shoes of others and the discussion took on a life of its own. Happy ending.
Andre and Ms. Stone clearly have a history. She knew exactly which buttons to press and which ones not to press. She could have jumped all over his antics and disengagement early in the discussion--and we all know she would have done that if she thought it would be fruitful. Instead, she gave him some space to engage on his own terms, confident all the while that he would make good use of the opportunity. He knew she expected him to, and she knew he wanted to.
We should be mindful that this approach would not work to re-engage all resistant students. Harder redirection is often necessary. But in this case, Ms. Stone relied on her knowledge of Andre and a relationship she has built with him over a long period of time, walking miles and miles in his shoes.
Michael offered an anecdote about a boy on his bus with bad oral hygiene. Michael's intentions seemed much more comedic than ethical, and his audience was right there on board with him. Bad breath is funny when it happens to other people. But the source of the humor was not really the boy's bad breath. The boy was socially isolated. Nobody would talk to him. Everybody laughed at him. It was the boy's painful humiliation that Ms. Stone's advisory found so funny. Andre was laughing loudest.
Ms. Stone wasn't laughing. But she did not berate her students for laughing (as I was tempted to do). She did not express any disappointment at their reaction. She let them laugh. And then dug deeper.
"Okay, on the surface it's a funny story. But, can anyone walk a mile in this boy's shoes?"
"I'd probably just give him a mint." With that Andre inspired another round of laughter. All eyes eventually turned to Ms. Stone, who was waiting patiently to continue the discussion.
"But can you put yourself in his situation? What do you think it would be like?"
"No, I can't put myself in his situation." His tone was more serious now. He wanted Ms. Stone to back off.
"Let's take a different example, then." She returned to the girl in today's reading. "The girl with 'behavior problems' turned out to be quite happy on the bus mostly because of the way the bus driver and the other kids treated her. Do you notice that this happens in school? Do students who seem to have 'behavior problems' in some contexts behave well in other contexts? Does it have anything to do with the way others see them or treat them?"
Andre straightened up in his seat. He raised his hand. He wanted back in.
"Sometimes when a teacher gives me lots of demerits or sends me out--especially a new teacher--I think about how hard that must be to teach all of us. I mean, how hard it must be to be a new teacher at this school."
And as Andre went so went the rest of the boys in the group. They shared earnest stories of stepping into the shoes of others and the discussion took on a life of its own. Happy ending.
Andre and Ms. Stone clearly have a history. She knew exactly which buttons to press and which ones not to press. She could have jumped all over his antics and disengagement early in the discussion--and we all know she would have done that if she thought it would be fruitful. Instead, she gave him some space to engage on his own terms, confident all the while that he would make good use of the opportunity. He knew she expected him to, and she knew he wanted to.
We should be mindful that this approach would not work to re-engage all resistant students. Harder redirection is often necessary. But in this case, Ms. Stone relied on her knowledge of Andre and a relationship she has built with him over a long period of time, walking miles and miles in his shoes.
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